Like a Mirror

Someone once told me that trust is like a mirror; once broken, you can put the pieces back together, but there will always be cracks. I thought it was a poetic way to put it. I never realized how perfect the analogy was.

And then I grew up.

I am abundantly blessed with a husband, family, and friends who love me. Yet the older I get, the more I learn that sometimes people you have trusted your whole life--people you consider friends--are the very ones who let you down. Just because you trust someone doesn't mean that they won't lie. Just because you consider someone your friend doesn't mean they are. I know, those are naive statements. I know that I still am naive. But when it comes to trust... Unfortunately, I have lost the innocence of thinking that trusting in someone makes them trustworthy.

Some have said that I need to let go and move on. That forgiving means forgetting. Somehow, I don't think that is humanly possible. Just like in the mirror analogy, I can forgive someone for lying. I can reconcile with them. But there is always going to be that flicker of doubt. And unfortunately, the flicker sometimes grows into a raging flame if a hint of dishonesty appears.

Merriam-Webster defines forgiveness as:

: to cease to feel resentment against (an offender) :

Even in the Bible, it never says that God forgets our sins. It says when He forgives us, He puts them far from His mind (Psalm 103:12).  I can stop feeling angry when someone lies to me and yet still remember that they did lie. Forgiveness isn't putting a gun in the hands of the person who shot you. Forgiveness is saying, "You wronged me, but I will not keep bringing it up to you." 

I'm not saying this to make an excuse for being angry or for

not forgiving someone. I guess I'm just trying to make the point that healing takes time. You don't have to trust someone who lied to you in order to forgive them. Anyone who says differently has most likely never had their trust broken. Don't let other make you feel like the bad guy, just because you have trust issues. Because it's normal. And it's okay.

Emily

xoxo