That Thing Called Nervousness

Friday, February 25, 2011

Tomorrow, is my piano recital. All day, I was surprised because I felt so calm, and wasn't nervous at all. Now, I'm starting to get somewhat...hyper--and that means I'm getting jumpy because I'm starting to get nervous. What am I nervous about? I picked a song that wasn't too hard, so I could get it down pat. I've been playing it since Christmas day. I can pretty much play it from memory. Why am I nervous? I think I have the answer.

I'm nervous about getting nervous.

There is absolutely no reason to get nervous--at least, that's what everyone tells me; and I half believe them. Until five minutes ago, I was feeling very confident, in fact. But I'm worried about what will happen when I actually sit on the bench, put my fingers on the keys...and then realize that a whole room full of people have the ability to hear me. It doesn't matter whether anyone is watching me or not. It doesn't matter if anyone is listening or not; most people only care about their own kids. But I get it into my head that people can hear me, whether they are paying attention or not, and then I become paralyzed. So paralyzed that the notes on the page of my music become little black dots, dancing mockingly in front of me. I swallow, and hope for the best, trying not to get my fingers tangled in a knot, just trying to focus on the music.

After reading through that, I have to laugh--you are hearing this from a girl who loves to get up on stage and act; you are hearing this from a girl who loves to play the piano, loves to write songs, and thinks it would be super cool to play with her band at the Super Bowl. I love to perform, but I feel like I can't, because of this thing called nervousness. I feel like I'm the only one who ever goes through this--the sweaty palms, knocking knees, the butterflies--most people only get one symptom, and here I get all three!!! Plus, I get dizzy. I know I'm not the only person (deep down). Am I so concerned about what other people think of me that I get this worked up about performing? I think a big problem is I want to be the best I can be and better. Not just in piano, but in writing, in school, and being a human. But I guess no one is perfect, least of all me--I've got a lot of work to do. And being nervous...there's no reason for that. Why? Cuz I'll be fine. It's not the end of the world if I trip going up to the piano; it's not the end of the world if I play twenty wrong notes. In fact, it might actually be funny if I trip--at least, I'll think so when I'm eighty.

I am just going to push aside this feeling of nervousness. I won't even think about it. And writing things out has made me feel so much better. Plus, performing tomorrow will be enjoyable to me, under all the nerves, and it will make me stronger. I've just got to remember one of my favorite Bible verses, Phillipians 4:13,

                                         I can do all things through Christ who strengtheneth me.


I'll tell you how the recital went tomorrow. Hugs and kisses,
                                                                                          Emily.

3 comments:

  1. oh you'll do fine! im on andrea's computer and she says you'll do greeeeeeaaaatttttt, NO WORRIES:)

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  2. I'm sure you wree awesome. I looove to listen to you play piano!

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